Hi mommas! I think I might know a thing or two about love . . . sometimes. I have had my fair share of relationships that had amazing times and horrible times. (That’s what relationships are all about! Learning and growing with a partner through all of that thick and thin.)
Let’s talk about relationships while learning and growing with your partner and being a mom in the Land of Enchantment.
First of all, our partners have something about them that we absolutely love and were drawn to. That’s the reason we cling so hard. Is it because they are a good parent or that they look good when they are washing the dishes? Those are pretty good reasons. Or is it because they are funny and love to compliment you in ways you’ve never been complimented? Those are good reasons, too. Whatever the reason, there’s a spark that keeps your relationship together.
Think back to that moment, the moment you first laid eyes on your partner. Maybe it was over a steaming bowl of green chile stew or amidst the vibrant cotton candy colors of a New Mexican sunset. Whatever the setting, there was a spark—an undeniable connection that drew you two together.
But let’s talk about that spark. The one that ignites the flames of passion and keeps that fire burning bright. In the realm of love, just like in cooking, it’s all about finding the perfect balance of flavors. For some, it’s a subtle hint of romance, like a sprinkle of powdered sugar on a batch of biscochitos. For others, it’s a fiery passion that rivals the heat of a freshly roasted green chile.
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And speaking of green chile—the culinary pride of New Mexico! It’s not just a condiment here, it’s a way of life. Whether you prefer it mild, medium, or burn-your-tastebuds-off hot, there’s something undeniably magical about the way it infuses every dish with a burst of flavor. In relationships, it’s important to find that perfect balance of spice—the kind that keeps things interesting without leaving you sweating and crying from all the heat.
Now, let’s talk about being a mom in a relationship. It’s like juggling flaming torches while riding a unicycle—challenging, exhilarating, and occasionally terrifying.
And we are probably all still trying to figure it out on a daily basis. But amidst the chaos of diapers and tantrums, or teenagers with new slang, there’s a love so profound it defies description. It’s the kind of love that fills your heart to bursting, leaving no room for doubt or hesitation.
But being a parent can really change a relationship and change that spark! When I was pregnant, my body was different, and sex was different. Then having kids running around the house at all times, timing for sex was difficult! We would hide in the laundry room or the bathroom for a quick session before the kiddos were banging on the door for apple juice or to tell us that one of them bit the other.
It was still important for us to try to keep our spice. We wanted to have that physical connection, even when we had to jump hurdles to get there.
And the journey to get to the destination was fun. We made it a game–which made it more exciting for us. Find those ways to keep your relationship fun.
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In a relationship that you’ve been in for a while, there’s a comfort that comes with knowing your partner for a long time. You’ve weathered storms together, laughed until your sides hurt, and built a life together. You are best friends. From weekend trips to Santa Fe to cozy nights indoors with a bowl of posole, every moment is infused with the warmth of shared experiences. But, life can still get boring and you wonder if that spark is still there. Is that spark keeping your relationship spicy enough?
Just like a perfectly seasoned dish, every relationship needs a dash of excitement to keep things sizzling.
Now, I’m not saying you need to break out the ghost peppers (unless you’re into that sort of thing!), but a little heat can go a long way. Maybe it’s surprising your partner with a surprise date night, whisking them away on a weekend getaway, or simply getting a babysitter and letting the night decide.
One of the wonders of an established relationship is the comfort that comes with knowing your partner. You’ve witnessed the evolution of their dreams, the transformation of their fears, and the growth of their character.
But, let’s not confuse comfort with complacency. In an enduring relationship, there’s a delicate balance between maintaining the coziness of familiarity and keeping the flame of passion alive.
It’s about finding joy in the everyday moments, cherishing the boring as much as the extraordinary, and realizing that love is not just a noun but a verb—a continuous action that requires effort and intention in every moment. Love with everything in you, and love everything in them.
Yet, even in the comfort of life-long love, the element of surprise remains an important ingredient.
It’s about rediscovering the joy of spontaneity, surprising your partner with gestures that say, “I know you as you are now, and I cherish every bit of you.” Perhaps it’s planning a weekend getaway to revisit the place where your love story began or leaving a heartfelt note on the bathroom mirror, reminding your better half of the love that still burns brightly.
And, of course, the spice. In an established relationship, the spice isn’t just about the passionate whirlwind romance of the early days. It’s about finding new ways to keep the flame alive. It’s about embracing change together, whether it’s exploring new hobbies, pursuing shared goals, or simply adding a touch of unpredictability to your routine.
Keep that spice spicy! Buy that cute outfit and shake that booty in front of them. Or just shake that booty . . . that’s what I do. Do what you and your partner love to do. Whatever your spice is, DO IT. You know what I mean.
Happy Valentine’s Day to you, my fellow New Mexican lovebirds! May your hearts be as full as a plate of stacked enchiladas, and your love as enduring as the majestic Sandia Mountains.
The opinions expressed in this post are those of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of ABQ Mom, its executive team, other contributors to the site, its sponsors or partners, or any organizations the aforementioned might be affiliated with.