I recently admitted to the world that I LOVE SEX. Isn’t it great to get that right out there in the open?
What I didn’t say is that sex is sometimes hard.
The daily events occurring in my life these days do not inspire great sex. I just taught loud second graders all day, then arrived home to wipe yogurt spray off the walls, vacuumed the floor for the eighteenth time today, started thirty-seven things I didn’t finish, and cleaned our toddler’s poopy pants.
How does one go about setting the mood for sex after all that?
If you’re anything like me, prepping for good sex is mostly in my head.
This is kind of a personality/personal preferences thing. But for me, flirting with my guy during the day (via text, sexy notes in his lunch box, or quick phone calls with phrases meant just for him) often lead to fortuitous happenings when we get home. Try it!
Next, make sure the kids are safe and happy.
We used to wait until they were safely sleeping in their beds. Naptime sex was my favorite on the weekends. But now, the big ones don’t nap, and if we wait until everyone is sleeping, we’re too tired to get a leg up. So I suggest just making sure that anything that could be a hazard to your child is locked away (kitchen knives, cleaning supplies, things to climb on, etc.) If they’re little, use a playpen or baby gates to keep them in a safe space. If they’re bigger, use diversionary tactics. I personally think this is an excellent time to use part of that one hour or less of screen time a day. I do NOT suggest setting your kids up with crayons or markers. That can turn into a huge mess on the walls in as little as 30 seconds.
Then give your special someone the sexy secret signal.
Make sure your special someone is not right in the middle of something they will regret not finishing, like using the bathroom or wiping yogurt off the walls. Let them know that you need a few minutes of their time. Show them one of your sexy moves. And then prance off to the bedroom to get started. If your special someone needs a few minutes, or hours, of advance notice, try to be a little more specific about times when you let them know you want a quickie.
Don’t make it complicated.
Save the really special sexy times for date night. Right now, you only have a few good minutes before someone comes knockin’. So LOCK THE DOOR, rip off your clothes, and get right to it. Do whatever makes you both happy together and ENJOY IT while you can.
Getting interrupted does NOT mean you have to quit.
The other day, my youngest came knocking on the locked door. We knew he was fine, just bored and wanting some attention. I took a second to tell him, “I’ll be there in a minute. You can go play until mommy and daddy are done talking.” He had been given a tiny plastic lightsaber earlier that day. He started yelling, “I can help you with my lightsaber!” We both started laughing. I assured him that HIS lightsaber was not needed at the present time. He went to play. And my husband and I got to finish our quickie.
When you get interrupted, just throw on some clothes really quickly, take care of the matter, and get back to it. Don’t give up, unless you both want to. Keep it simple. Keep it light. And be sensitive to each other’s needs and feelings. I think it’s best if you set the expectation ahead of time. We know we will get interrupted. We also know that whoever goes to deal with the interruption will probably come back for a great finish.
The bottom line is that you need each other. It’s good for your kids to see you happy together. And believe me, sex can make you happy together!
Your turn! What are your great tips for setting the mood when you’re not in the mood? And, even more importantly, what were your funniest interruptions?
Originally published October 2018.
The opinions expressed in this post are those of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of ABQ Mom, its executive team, other contributors to the site, its sponsors or partners, or any organizations the aforementioned might be affiliated with.