I’m Not Everyone’s Cup of Tea . . . and Neither Are You


I am not everyone’s cup of tea . . . and neither are you.

Yikes! That seems a little brutal, doesn’t it?

Yeah, it is brutal, but it is true. I am not going to be liked by everyone and neither will you. If you are a people pleaser like myself, this one may be tough for you. We feel a deep need to make sure we appease everyone around us and to make sure we can be someone that everybody likes to be around.

The reality is that not everyone will.

I have been in what I will call a “crisis of unbelonging.” Feeling like I just simply don’t belong in this world. Like I don’t belong in the mom groups, or in the industry of work that I do. Like I don’t belong in my family, like I don’t belong to the call of motherhood I am in. Feeling defeated in all aspects of life honestly.

This led me down a path of wondering why. First, why do I feel the intense need TO belong, and second, why do I feel like I don’t?

I Am Not Everyone's Cup of TeaEach of us is our own individual with our own consciousness. We have our own preferences, likes, and dislikes. Our own styles. Our own way of communicating. We each come from different backgrounds in life that add to the person we are today.

Thinking that we should be everyone’s cup of tea sets us up for failure.

You ARE going to rub people the wrong way, and most of the time, it has absolutely nothing to do with who you are and everything to do with who they are and where they come from. Their background and your background may just collide in the present.

Do you like everyone you meet?

Nope. You probably don’t even like yourself sometimes. I know I struggle with liking myself on many days. So why do we have this extreme need to be likable to everyone? I have yet to figure that out, so I hope you weren’t hanging around hoping for an answer, but I am learning to be okay with it and I hope you can too.

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It has not been and will not be an easy thing to accept, but it has provided me with some relief–that I can “let go” of the idea that I need to be likable all the time, by everyone, everywhere I go. It is not realistic.

On the days I am feeling an overwhelming sense of unbelonging, I simply remind myself over and over again, “You are not everyone’s cup of tea . . . and that is OKAY!”

It just serves as a reminder to me to let go of the anxieties and fears of not belonging and to be thankful for the people in my life that do want to sit and have tea with me. It reminds me to be thankful for the protection from being hurt by the people that would rather dump the boiling hot tea down my back.

I Am Not Everyone's Cup of TeaI don’t know what challenges you face in your life, but I do know you have felt this way at least once or twice. Or maybe you do feel it as intensely as I do on a regular basis. Either way, please be encouraged in knowing how deeply wanted and loved you are by those who are happily and willingly sitting next to you at the table, fully embracing who you are, just as you are.

Originally published July 2023.

The opinions expressed in this post are those of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of ABQ Mom, its executive team, other contributors to the site, its sponsors or partners, or any organizations the aforementioned might be affiliated with.


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