Anxiety About Mom Friends :: It’s a Real Thing!


Mom friend anxiety. I can handle a lot of things as a mother, big and small, but there is one thing that, even after 20 years, I find myself cringing at . . . making mom friends. 

We had a Spring sports meeting at my son’s high school the other day. Of course, the first thing he did was spot his friends and lead us to sit with them. Not a big deal, and very much expected, until I saw the moms of his friends.

I froze for a second and thoughts ran through my head:

Oh shoot, I have to talk!

Do I have to talk? Can I just smile and wave? 

Of course, I have to talk. I can’t be rude.

What do I say?!

Am I going to be weird? 

They probably already think I am weird. I’m sure my face is saying everything. 


I have mom-friend anxiety.

This interaction went completely fine. She hugged me hello, and we made small talk before the meeting started. She texted me some info I missed (sidenote: save numbers in your phone, so you’re not having to guess who is texting you). And we even walked to the parking lot together afterward. 

Anxiety About Mom Friends :: It's a Real ThingAt the football banquet a few weeks prior, this same child of mine informed me that I need to make mom friends with his friend’s mothers. I was reminded that he has a core group of friends, and I am not friends with their moms.

Dude, that is much easier said than done. Making mom friends is hard.

I’ve done it before. I’ve made mom friends in the past and am still friends with moms I met years ago, but this entire concept can be daunting. There are a few things I remind myself when I am meeting new moms:

They are just as nervous as I am.

They are here for the same reason I am.

They’re not judging the coffee cup I’m holding because I’m tired.

Nor are they judging the McDonald’s bag that just fell out of my car because their kid just ate a week-old fry out of their car seat. 

I am an introverted mom, being open and vulnerable is not something that comes easy to me. Putting myself out there, even to those who I share common ground with is not something that is in my nature.

» » » » » » » » » » » » » »  RELATED READ: Making Adult Friends Is Hard  « « « « « « « « « « « « «

It can be hard to open up to others. Some moms find it easier to interact ,and I am thankful for them because it takes the pressure off those of us who are on the shy side. 

They say that it takes a village to raise a child. But I think it takes one to be a mom as well.

The opinions expressed in this post are those of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of ABQ Mom, its executive team, other contributors to the site, its sponsors or partners, or any organizations the aforementioned might be affiliated with.

Previous articleElements of Parenthood: Water, Fire, Air and Earth
Next articleWhat Grief Teaches Us About Love
Tonya Ellison
Tonya is a wife and a mom of 4, ranging from college to kindergarten. Having lived in New Mexico long enough to say she’s from here, Tonya finds beauty in the New Mexican community and enjoys soaking it in with her family. Tonya has worked outside of the home in the end-of-life field for the past 13 years and has taught online graduate classes on grief and bereavement for the past year. Doing this work has allowed Tonya to appreciate each day she’s given and is a motivation to live life to its fullest. Her kids keep her busy as a sports mom and most weekends she can be seen (or heard) in the stands of a basketball or football game. Having kids in different developmental stages has taught Tonya a great deal about motherhood, and no matter how old or young your kids are she feels it’s important to know that moms matter. Follow Tonya on Instagram.