We were riding in the car, and my seven-year-old daughter said, “Mommy, what’s your groove?” She also stated that mommy “isn’t the same.”
Wow. I didn’t think it was noticeable until my daughter brought it up. My beautiful sweet girl is 7 years old. But full of wisdom.
I wasn’t sure I understood what she meant. “What’s my groove?” I asked her. “Can you tell me more?” She then said, “You know, your grooooove.”
“Ummm ok, I still don’t understand what you are asking me . . . ” At this point I thought I knew what she was asking but wanted more clarification as to where this question was coming from.
She then said, “It starts with the letter ‘L.'” I said, “What starts with the letter ‘L’?” She said, “Love. You used to love to dance with us when daddy puts on music.”
My mind was blown because I knew deep down that I used to love doing this too. It wasn’t that noticeable to me, but it was noticeable for her. She then started to name all these things we used to do together when she was younger. Yet again, deep down I knew this too. I secretly missed my own motivation to want to do these things. She questioned why mommy doesn’t do these things anymore.
My reason was that mommy has been taking on so much. Being stressed really has affected my relationship with my kids. I haven’t really faced what made me groove and not groove until now.
Mommy really has lost her groove, and I am not sure when I’ll get it back. But I am going to try.
For my daughter, this was an important conversation. She wanted to tell me that she misses me in the ways that we used to spend time together. She came from a vulnerable place which is never easy for adults to hear. Kids are vulnerable with us all the time, and sometimes it’s not easy giving attention to the vulnerability that others display.
» » » » » » RELATED READ: Calm the Storm: Kid-Friendly Mindfulness Activities « « « « « « « «
As parents we may not always be present and open to listen. But when it happens, it’s enlightening. Practicing mindfulness skills can help bring us to the present moment where we can actively listen to what our kids express, acknowledge their emotions, and express our gratitude.
If you have lost your groove like me, here are a few things that have helped in trying to get it back.
Take Mindful Breaks
This isn’t just a break, its a mindful break where you take time to reflect on the present. I find myself on the go everyday and rarely get to slow down like I would like. I like to use the acronym BREAK help guide me through the process.
B – Breathe
Take long, slow, deep breaths in and out (3 or 4 times).
R – Rest and Recognize
Give yourself a moment to rest. Recognize how you are feeling and what thought you may be having.
E – Explore
Gently explore the thoughts and feelings you are having. Ask yourself questions about what it is that you are needing. (This is really helpful when feeling anxious).
A – Absorb
Do some grounding techniques. Regulating your nervous system is so important. Go for a walk, do some light stretching, dance. What do you, hear, see, and smell?
K – Kindness
At the end of the day, we can be our own harshest critic. Practicing kindness and grace within ourselves can do many wonders. It is easier said than done. However, when we remove judgement and give ourselves grace, we are able to love ourselves and create that much needed flow and balance.
I hope these mindfulness techniques help you as they have helped me to find my groove and refocus on the things I love!
The opinions expressed in this post are those of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of ABQ Mom, its executive team, other contributors to the site, its sponsors or partners, or any organizations the aforementioned might be affiliated with.
