Becoming a mom is the most beautiful experience. But no one tells you that you go through a mourning period called “matrescence.” You spend nine (practically 10) long, hard months preparing for your special baby to come into this world. But you don’t know to prepare for the amount of change your life is about to go through.
Everyone tells you the classic line: “Get ready to never sleep again.” or “You won’t be doing (this) or (that) anymore.” They don’t tell you that everything about you changes. Your mindset, your relationship with your partner, your interests and tastes, your entire outlook on life . . . along with your sleep schedule, your social life, and, of course, your body.
I experienced an extremely easy pregnancy and was fortunate to say I loved the process. I loved being pregnant and feeling the growth of an entire life inside my belly. So I guess I assumed that postpartum might be similar for me. I was completely wrong because postpartum became the hardest thing I have ever gone through as a person.
Until I had my baby, I didn’t understand or even expect what any of it would feel like. And then I found out that there was a word for this. Matrescence. Matrescence is “the process of becoming a mother. It describes the all-encompassing physical, psychological, and emotional changes people go through on their journey to motherhood.”
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After I brought my little girl into this world, I was hit with the immense amount of change I was going through in every aspect of my life, like any new mom does, but I also found myself feeling a type of grief I never even knew existed. A grief for the old “me,” the “me” that existed on my own without being known as “mom,” the “me” that could make decisions on a whim and never think a second thought about it.
I no longer felt the same inside or knew who this person staring back in the mirror at me was. Nothing felt the same.
Home had a different feel. My love for my partner had changed (grown, but also changed nonetheless). My interests in certain things had taken a turn and so had I.
As I explained this weird feeling of change to my partner and asked if he felt the same, he said no. I was confused as to how he couldn’t feel this huge shift. To him, everything was just the same as it was before, just with a baby added into the mix. Still now, four months later, nothing feels like it once did before.
In the first few weeks, I naively asked my fellow moms on Instagram how long it took for them to feel “normal” again. The range of answers I got shocked me. And it didn’t make me feel any better. But the one response I got the most was, “What do you mean by normal?” Which made me question what normal even IS and how to explain this emotion that was making me feel so off. And then I found it: matrescence.
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Putting the name, matrescence, to the feeling finally made me feel a little bit better. It made me feel less lonely in my experience of such a big change in the vibe of my entire life. Every day since I gave birth feels like a whole new world to me. Every day is a new lesson learned for me and my little girl.
But I just take it one step at a time, learning who this “new me” is and what it means to be called “mom.”
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