We’ve all been there.
The cluster feeding baby that won’t stop crying unless you sit and hold them for two hours just so that they will nap and you can breathe for a minute without the noise.
The toddler who is clawing up your leg whining for you to pick them up because they feel safest in your arms but you feel like you want to peel out of your skin if you are touched or needed by one more person today.
The kids all needing something different from you when they get home from school and you’ve basically just become a chauffeur and don’t get any time just for yourself because your entire life revolves around taking the kids all over town for all of their activities.
Then one day they will grow up, and the phase will pass.
But for right now, in this very moment, maybe it is the hardest thing you have ever experienced. I feel you, momma. I am you, and let me tell you . . . momma does just need a minute. Or maybe 30.
As I write this, I am in a season with my one year old where the only thing she wants is to be held by her momma and follows me everywhere to crawl up my leg ALL day long. By the end of the day, I am done being needed by someone else and just need to do something for myself. I often find myself completely “touched out.”
Here are a few things that have helped reset me when I am completely touched out:
1. Ask for help. You cannot do it all.
Don’t you know how hard it is to ask for help? Yup. Sure do. Do it anyways.
Momma, you cannot do it all. You are only one person, and no matter how much you feel like you should carry the entire load on your back, you are simply not meant to do it alone. Communicate with your spouse, your family, your friends, or whoever is your main support system and ask them for help.
It is OKAY to say that you need a minute to compose yourself so that you can come back to the kids refreshed. It does not make you a bad mom to need time alone. You are only human too.
2. Go take a shower.
No, not a rushed shower that is barely long enough to warm up in the hot water before the baby wakes up because you took too long cleaning up the kitchen to have time for the full shower or before a kid comes bulldozing into the bathroom to tell you about the school project they have due tomorrow. It’s always something, and the bathroom seems to always become a “gather with mom” location.
Take a real shower. Lock the door. Wash your hair. Shave your legs. Let the hot water burn away the overwhelmed and overloaded feeling you’ve been carrying all day. Then get out and lather up in your favorite smelling lotion and get into your comfiest outfit. Just trust me on this one.
3. Close your eyes and breathe.
This one may seem silly, but you should try it. When my daughter is climbing up me, tugging at my clothes, and crying for me to pick her up, I will just stand there with my eyes closed and takes some deep breaths. It helps.
Your baby does not know anything about this world. Everything is new to them. You are safe for them. For us, it can feel like suffocation at times, but for them, it is the place they breathe most comfortably.
Take a minute to just breathe. Say a prayer. Collect yourself. You are learning just as they are. It is hard to communicate with miniature humans that don’t know anything about communication besides what you teach them. You can do this momma, but not without pause. Teach them that it is okay to pause to gather yourself. They need it too.
4. Cry. Sometimes that is all you can do.
Seriously, let it out. No one expects you to perfectly hold it together. You are allowed to have big feelings, but so are they. Being touched out is common for all moms, and if you are not convinced, just type in “touched out” on TikTok. You are not alone momma. This is normal.
Get a good cry in. Ask your spouse or another trustworthy adult to entertain the kids while you go take a shower. Take a pause and breathe, then cry in the shower. I promise you will come back somewhat refreshed at the minimum. Feel your emotions and work through them. You’ve got this. We’ve got this.
Whatever the load you are carrying right now, I know it is heavy. Mine is heavy too. We have many moments of failure in motherhood, but we also have many moments of learning and growing opportunities in motherhood. Let this be one of them.
The opinions expressed in this post are those of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of ABQ Mom, its executive team, other contributors to the site, its sponsors or partners, or any organizations the aforementioned might be affiliated with.
