The disappointment we might feel with our kids or their choices is not covered in the baby book. How to deal with this disappointment was not roleplayed in a game at the baby shower or discussed by our friends as we gushed about the new journey we were about to embark on.
Our bundle of joy is here, we have the best plans laid, and we have their years moving forward figured out. Our babies are beautiful and so are our hopes and dreams for them.
Maybe it was the failed test, the rude behavior, the lack of judgment, the unplanned pregnancy. Maybe it was just an eye roll . . . or maybe it was an arrest. Whatever it is that leads us to that emotion of disappointment, I’m sure we never saw ourselves being in this position. We never thought that we would be disappointed in our kids.
Disappointment and dissatisfaction are not words we thought we would use to describe how we feel.
We knew that parenting would be a struggle at times. We knew that we would have obstacles to overcome and that we would have good and bad moments. But we never truly thought we would say that we were disappointed in our child.
Dealing with disappointment as a parent isn’t something we factored into our adventure. We didn’t wake up one day and say, “This is the day, week, month, or year that I will be disappointed in my child’s choices.” But here we are.
We ask ourselves if we did something wrong.
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We ask our kids to help us understand the situation–what is going through their minds? Why did they make this choice? Sometimes we have answers, and sometimes we don’t.
So, what do we do when we find ourselves in this spot?
1. Take a deep breath.
Stop for a second (or 60) and breathe.
2. Allow yourself to feel.
We are given emotions for a reason, and it’s what we do with them that matters. You are a mom, but you are also human, and you are allowed to feel. Give yourself permission to do just that.
3. Work towards accepting reality.
This does not mean that we must accept the action, the words, or the behavior. It does not mean that we condone it. It means that we need to reconcile that, for now, at this moment, this is where we are at.
4. What’s next?
What do we do from here? Figure out realistic next steps. Ask for help or guidance if need be.
5. Your child is not what they did.
I think we have been programmed to define people by their actions. Good or bad. Our lowest moments do not define us. Remember this.
6. Love unconditionally.
Our kids are not what they did. We are not what our kids did.
I wish I could say that we will never be here again and that this is a one-time event. I wish I could say that everything will pass quickly and that everything will be fine. But sometimes that reality takes time.
The only constant I do know is that we love the littles or bigs in our lives. Through the good. Through the bad. And even through the disappointment, we love.
The opinions expressed in this post are those of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of ABQ Mom, its executive team, other contributors to the site, its sponsors or partners, or any organizations the aforementioned might be affiliated with.
