An Open Letter to My Non-Mom Friends: I’m Sorry


We all know motherhood changes us in a big way, and sometimes it can feel lonely. Unfortunately, that means we aren’t always the greatest about maintaining our relationships with our non-mom friends.

So to all my non-mom friends: I’m sorry.

Keep Marching Forward :: Our "Allergic March" JourneyTo my non-mom friends: I’m sorry for taking three-plus days to reply to a text.

I got your message and desperately want to reply, but my toddler is throwing a tantrum and by the time I’ve dealt with that, I’m on to putting out the next fire.

I promise I will get back to you; it just might take a little bit.

And I’m trying to get better at responding faster, so please bear with me.

To my non-mom friend: I’m sorry for canceling plans at the last minute.

It’s not that I don’t want to see you, truly. But sometimes my baby gets sick and won’t sleep anywhere but in my arms. My arms. Not Daddy’s. Not Grandma’s. Just mine. And as much as I hate to cancel, if that wee babe doesn’t sleep, I won’t be any fun to be around anyways.

Even if I have to reschedule a few times, I promise we’ll make that coffee date happen.

So please be patient with me. Believe me, I’m not blowing you off. I do want to spend time with you!

To my non-mom friends: I’m sorry if I seem distracted.

When we finally get to have that quiet dinner to ourselves or fun girls’ night, it may seem like it takes me a little bit to get into it. It’s not that I’m not having fun, it just may be that my child held on to my leg screaming as I walked out the door. And I can’t help but worry if he’s okay.

I may have you repeat parts of your story, but I promise I’m interested in what you have to say.

Also, I haven’t had a lot of sleep lately, so my brain isn’t functioning at full capacity. Please be patient with me!

To my non-mom friends: I’m sorry if you think I don’t care.

I know you have a lot going on in your life, too. And I don’t mean to make it all about me. Many times, this is the first adult interaction I’ve had all day, and there are a lot of words I need to get out.

I promise your issues are important to me.

I want to hear about everything going on in your life and let you vent and offer my perspective and advice (for what it’s worth). And I absolutely promise that I do care.

To my non-mom friends: I’m sorry if I talk about my baby too much.

He’s almost my whole world right now, and I spend 99.9 percent of my time with him. There’s not a whole lot else going on in my life right now, to be honest. So if I talk about him, it’s just because he’s important to me and I want to share that with you.

I promise to try to talk about other things, and I’d love for you to help me.

Please tell me if I’m rambling. I promise I won’t get my feelings hurt. And if that’s uncomfortable, gently steer the conversation in another direction, and I promise I’ll try to get the hint.

To my non-mom friends: I’m sorry if it seems we aren’t as close as we used to be.

I know I’m MIA a lot of the time. It’s mostly because I’m trying desperately to hold everything together, and sometimes it feels like I’m doing a crappy job. This motherhood thing is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and sometimes I feel like I’m doing it all wrong.

I promise I love you and will try harder to make time for just us.

Your friendship means the world to me, and I appreciate the grace and love you show me every time I have to cancel plans or come in looking like a mess.

You’re more than just my non-mom friend. You keep me grounded and I love you for it. Please know I’m trying to be the best friend I can be and help me in remembering that this is just a season.

I love you, my non-mom friends!

Originally published March 2019.

The opinions expressed in this post are those of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of ABQ Mom, its executive team, other contributors to the site, its sponsors or partners, or any organizations the aforementioned might be affiliated with.

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Brianna Richards
Brianna is an Albuquerque native who loves Jesus, coffee, books, and pretty much any animal she meets. She is married to her best friend and college sweetheart (She’s a Lobo and he’s an Aggie; they met at a rival football game!). After struggling with infertility, she and her husband welcomed their sweet son in December of 2017 and precious daughter in September of 2019. She has a double bachelor of arts in political science and journalism, and previously worked as a copy editor. These days, she’s a stay-at-home mom who’s figuring out how to manage a household with a hard-working hubby, adventurous toddler, snuggly baby, three dogs, and two cats (hint: it involves a lot of cleaning). She enjoys helping new moms find their purpose in the everyday moments of motherhood by sharing organization tools, marriage tips, and mommy encouragement on her blog, Living Kairos.


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