Now that you’ve had the “body talk” with your boy, it’s time to have the “sex talk.”
If you haven’t read it yet: Puberty :: Having the “Body Talk” with Your Boy
This conversation is often seen as difficult and uncomfortable. Many parents hope their child’s school will handle it or that their child will simply choose abstinence. But here’s the truth— the most reliable and safest information will always come from you, the parent.
I’m a bonus mom to a teenage boy, and I grew up with two brothers. I heard everything, and I wasn’t shy to ask questions at the dinner table. My brothers were two years younger and two years older than me.
I met my bonus son when he was 11, and he is 15 years old now. There are so many topics to cover as a parent, even as a step-parent, and sometimes I’m just trying to get the tea on who my bonus kids are dating. But with my bonus son, I hope that he is getting the sex talk from multiple sources. This is what I would like to teach him, but as a step-parent, I try to do this talk in little bits and pieces and try to fit in sex education when I can.
I also have a 7 year old son that isn’t exactly interested in dating or sex yet. But these are important topics that I’ll share with him in the future.
Our boys will be curious. Their bodies and hormones are taking action, and their brains and thoughts are going to follow with curiosity.
If you don’t talk to your boy, he will find out through the many avenues the internet offers and hope that it provides good information. The internet doesn’t know your child. Your boy will also ask friends and experiment on his own. And possibly, not in a safe way.
So, what is a good age to talk to your boy about sex?
Well, many parents agree that the tween years are the perfect time to educate your child about this topic and continue to educate them as they grow and mature into a teenager.
The “sex talk” is a process, not a one-time thing. It starts with a person understanding their body. This is where the puberty conversation and education should come first.
When your boy comes to you with questions about sexual feelings or anything related, that’s the right time to have the conversation. Keeping an open door policy ensures your child feels comfortable coming to you anytime.
I heard the term “BJ” as a tween and went to my parents first to ask what it meant. This was the first time I ever went to my parents with something like this. I didn’t know that it was a sexual term. This was the perfect time to have the sex talk in my tween age.
What are some important things to mention during the “sex talk?”
CONSENT & BOUNDARIES
MECHANICS
Your boy might ask what exactly sex is. Tell them exactly what it is. Don’t skirt around it. Tell them it’s a beautiful connection or something they should keep forever. Tell them the exact body parts and what occurs. Then ask them if what you told them makes sense and if they have any questions for you. Being straightforward is the best approach—it helps build trust and ensures they get accurate information from you.
ENJOYMENT ON BOTH SIDES
Let your boy know that while sex needs to be done safely and with a partner that they are completely comfortable with, it involves enjoyment for both sides. The enjoyment is not one-sided! They should discuss this more with their partner. The enjoyment is physical and emotional. Remember, if it’s not being enjoyed everything should stop.
CONSEQUENCES
Consequences are results of an action. Let your boy know all of the consequences that could happen along with sex. Let him know of all the emotions involved. That he will, likely, deeply care for that person. Let him know of STDs (sexually transmitted diseases) and pregnancies. Let him know that there is more than one birth control choice. Also let him also know that some birth control choices protect from STDs. When using birth control to protect from STDs and pregnancies, that is what is called safe sex. Let him know of all the consequences and try not to have a negative or positive connotation on anything. Remember, this is a safe space/conversation with your boy.
In Closing
Talking to your son about sex is not a one-time thing—it’s an ongoing conversation that should evolve as he matures. By creating a safe, judgment-free space, you empower him to make informed decisions and feel comfortable coming to you with any questions. Remember, honesty and openness are key to building trust and ensuring he receives the right information from the right source—you.
You got this!
The opinions expressed in this post are those of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of ABQ Mom, its executive team, other contributors to the site, its sponsors or partners, or any organizations the aforementioned might be affiliated with.
