I’m a mom of three boys—ages 18, 10, and 5—and this year, my husband and I will be celebrating our 13th wedding anniversary. Amazingly, the last five years have probably been our best years. And every year, it just keeps getting better. But let me be honest with you—the first five to seven years? Rough. Like, really rough.
There were fights. Long stretches without sex. A few conversations about divorce. We were in survival mode, trying to raise babies, juggle life, and work. And somewhere in there . . . our marriage started to fade.
What nearly broke us wasn’t one big thing. It was the loss of intimacy. The little moments stopped happening. And eventually, we were just co-existing under the same roof, disconnected and always frustrated with each other.
As a Christian woman, I know how important intimacy is in marriage. It’s such a beautiful gift and brings unity. But when you’re knee-deep in diapers, dishes, deadlines, and exhaustion, it’s easy to push your partner to the bottom of the priority list.
And if I’m being real—I did. I was always too tired. There was always an excuse. And that silent drift? It crept in.
We never dealt with infidelity or pornography in our story, thank God. But I also know that when intimacy is lacking, temptation grows. When one spouse feels unwanted, unappreciated, or unseen, it creates space for disconnection to grow.
Looking back, I realize now that I wasn’t just tired—I was burnt out and out of tune with my body. After having kids, my body changed, and so did my hormones. Hormonal imbalances—like low estrogen or testosterone—can directly affect a woman’s libido.
Combine that with chronic stress and poor nutrition, and it’s no surprise that my sex drive had all but disappeared. No one really talks about that part. We hear about self-care and eating well, but I believe certain foods, imbalances, and mental stress were all contributing to my lack of desire. I wish I had listened to my body more instead of brushing it off with, “I’m just tired.”
But here’s another big piece that almost cost us: communication.
I had a hard time expressing to my husband how I was feeling, which made it even harder for us to work as a team. And coming from a business mindset, my natural instinct is to solve problems—yet when it came to my marriage, I struggled to say what I needed. I don’t know if other women feel this way, but I learned the hard way: communication is key. In my corporate world, I’m confident and clear. But at home, I had to learn to bring that same intentionality to our relationship. We had to learn how to communicate better, to get in sync as partners, and to understand each other’s love languages so we could love one another the way we both needed.
Over the past four years, I’ve been on a healing journey—mind, body, and soul. And that healing has flowed into my marriage in the most beautiful way.
I know I’m not alone. I hear this story over and over—couples quietly drifting apart, giving up, and divorcing after just a few years. It breaks my heart. We’ve become a generation that walks away when things get hard, hoping the next relationship will somehow be easier.
But here’s the truth: every marriage takes work. If your relationship lacks intimacy—both emotional and physical—it will begin to unravel.
It might sound cliché, but when the Bible speaks about the unity of a husband and wife through sex, I understand it now. When we’re not united, we drift apart, and love begins to fade. But when we are connected—in mind, body, and spirit—our love strengthens, and we grow together as a couple.
Marriage is fueled by passion, connection, and intention. My husband and I made a decision: we weren’t going to give up so easily. We knew intimacy was a problem, and we committed to rebuilding it—together.
So we started carving out real one-on-one time—without the kids. We have monthly date nights. And yes, I stopped saying, “I’m too tired” every night. I began being intentional about making our marriage feel fun, sexy, and alive again.
I’m not a marriage counselor, but I’ve been through it. And I’m here to say, if you’re in that hard season, don’t give up just yet. Fight for the connection. Fight for the spark. And fight for each other.
Because love doesn’t stay alive on autopilot. And neither does intimacy.
The opinions expressed in this post are those of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of ABQ Mom, its executive team, other contributors to the site, its sponsors or partners, or any organizations the aforementioned might be affiliated with.
