Pregnancy & Infant Loss :: Keepsakes, Resources, How to Support

By
Condola Garrett
-

Each October, we pause to honor the babies and children who are no longer in our arms but forever in our hearts. Loss may come through miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal death, infant loss, or the passing of a child later in life. These experiences shape families in deep and lasting ways.

As a registered nurse and lactation consultant, I’ve walked beside mothers during some of their most sacred and heartbreaking moments. I’ve witnessed grief and love coexisting in the same breath, in the silence of a hospital room, in the gentle touch of a mother expressing milk for a baby she cannot hold, and in the quiet courage of a parent folding a onesie that will never be worn.

Pregnancy & Infant Loss :: Keepsakes, Resources, & How to Help
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While October is a time of national awareness, for moms, grief is not confined to one month. It lives in the quiet moments, the anniversaries, the unexpected waves. This month is a reminder to honor those we’ve lost, but for many, remembrance is woven into everyday life.

Continuing Bonds Through Lactation and Keepsakes

As a lactation consultant, it’s an honor to support mothers who choose to express breast milk after loss. For them, it’s not just about the milk, it’s about connection. It’s a way to honor the bond that began long before birth. I’ve supported breastfeeding parents through this process, helping them navigate the physical and emotional terrain with gentleness and respect.

Some families decide to donate their milk to babies in the NICU, offering nourishment to other newborns in need. For those who choose this path, it can be a meaningful way to extend love and honor their baby’s life. Others may keep their milk, create a keepsake, or let it go with care. Every choice is valid and personal.

Here are other meaningful ways families have chosen to preserve that bond:

Keepsake & Memorial Ideas

  • Breast milk jewelry or memory vials
  • Ultrasound photo frames or name art
  • Handprint molds, footprint casts, or resin keepsakes
  • Letters to baby or child, journals, or poems
  • Planting a tree, flower, or garden in their honor
  • Shadow boxes with photos, hospital bracelets, or dried flowers
  • Stuffed animals or memory bears made from clothing or blankets
  • Birthstone charms or remembrance pins
  • Personalized candles
  • Donation or volunteer work in their name
  • Keepsake quilts made from clothing
  • Custom lullabies or poems
  • Grief journals or guided writing prompts
  • Artwork created by parents or siblings

You don’t have to choose any of these. You might find your own way. And that’s beautiful too.

💬 I invite you to share: What helped you in your grief? What felt healing, comforting, or meaningful? Your story might be the light someone else needs.

For Loved Ones Supporting Grieving Moms

If you’re supporting a mother who has lost a baby or child, your presence matters more than your words. You don’t need to do anything. You just need to show up.

One mom I worked with shared something that has stayed with me. While in the hospital, everyone kept trying to “manage” her grief, offering solutions, resources, or silver linings. She shared that what helped her the most was simply having space and time to feel it the way she needed to. She needed someone to sit beside her and say, “It’s okay to hurt.”

Here are some gentle ways to support grieving moms:

  • Say their child’s name. It’s not painful to hear; it’s painful when no one says it.
  • Offer practical help: meals, laundry, errands, or childcare for siblings.
  • Send a card or handwritten note even months later; it still matters.
  • Create a keepsake: a framed quote, a candle, or a small piece of art.
  • Join them in remembrance: light a candle each year on October 15 for the Wave of Light.
  • Listen without judgment: let them cry, rage, or sit in silence.
  • Avoid clichés: “Everything happens for a reason” or “At least you can try again” can hurt more than help.
  • Check in over time; grief doesn’t follow a timeline. A message six months later can mean the world.

If you’re unsure what to say, try: “I’m thinking of you and your child today.” “I don’t have the right words, but I’m here.” “Would you like to tell me more about them?”

Hospital-Based Support

Many families don’t realize that hospitals offer quiet, meaningful support during and after loss:

  • Hospital chaplains are available to all families, including those who are non-denominational or spiritual but not religious.
  • NICU and pediatric bereavement teams often provide local grief resources and compassionate guidance.
  • Social workers can connect families to counseling, financial support, and community programs.
  • Lactation consultants may offer gentle support for expressing milk or managing suppression after loss.

If you’re in the hospital, ask your nurse or provider to connect you with these services. You deserve care that honors your grief.

National & Local Resources

New Mexico Providers
New Mexico Support Groups
  • Postpartum Grief & Loss Support – Esperanza – The Village Motherhood
  • Perinatal Grief Peer Support Group – Growing up New Mexico – 505-819-5484

If you reach out to a provider, choose someone who feels safe and affirming. It’s okay to change providers if your needs shift.

To the Moms I’ve Walked Beside

To every mother who has shared tears, anger, quiet, and love with me—I carry you in my heart. I will never forget your babies and children. Their lives mattered. They still do.

A Closing Reminder

There is no wrong way to grieve. Trust your instincts. Choose counseling, faith rituals, cultural practices, or quiet remembrance if those feel right. Step away from anything that doesn’t. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting. It means that love finds new forms.

And to the providers who walk beside grieving families, take care of yourselves, too. When we care for our own hearts, we show up stronger and softer for the families who need us most.

» » » » » » »  RELATED READ: My Journey with Pregnancy After Heartbreaking Loss  « « « « « « «

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