I grew up in a steadfast religious home. During my childhood, I thought everything we were expected to do by our church officials was set up to make us better than others if we followed their teachings. Now, as an adult, I’ve realized that “hindsight is 20/20” and I am worth more than they could discern.
In my childhood home, I always felt the pressure to be “perfect,” but it was an impossible objective.
To me, perfection meant never causing a ruffle with anyone by agreeing to their expectations. Being perfect meant dressing to cover my body, rather than to respect my body without objectification. Being perfect meant placing others before my own needs.
At the time, I was enamored by these expectations. I earned several awards and accolades for my hard work to follow the path that was set for me. A silly superlative I once received was titled “Practically Perfect in Every Way.” While it was delivered in a joking manner, the underlying meaning was not light-hearted at all.
“The late teens represent the stage where you’re figuring out who you are and what you stand for. Teens are creating the person who’s going to transition to adult independence,” says Mary Kay Fleming, Ph.D., a professor emerita of psychology at Mount St. Joseph University.
I became a teen like Professor Fleming mentioned, one that questioned everything to find out who I was and what I stood for. It wasn’t a pleasant time. It isn’t a time I reminisce about. However, it is a time in my life that I am very grateful for. I discovered that my worth is not defined by the completion of a checklist of daily must-do tasks.
My worth was established before I even took my first breath. And this value cannot be taken or measured by others. I can choose to embrace it and shine.
And that is what I want to teach my children, that the expectations of other people are irrelevant to their worth. Their worth cannot be taken away from them. I encourage them to embrace it by learning new skills, discovering what excites them, and pursuing their own path.
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It all comes back to one simple thing I learned during those formative, late-teenage years: my self-value is what will make or break me. Anyone else’s opinion on my worth may feel important, but they will not be with me forever and cannot determine who I am.
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