I’ve always wanted to be the mom who hosted our friend group’s get-togethers. I wanted to have the home where people gathered for birthdays, holidays, or spontaneous hangouts.
But every time I tried, I went completely overboard and felt defeated and guilty for spending too much money, and I had very little fun. I was too worried about everyone else enjoying themselves and too busy “hosting properly.”
I’d convinced myself that being a “good host” meant ensuring everyone else had their needs met. By the end of the night, I was tired and over it and had a sinking feeling that no one even had fun or felt comfortable.
With time and maturity, I’ve learned that good hosting has nothing to do with proving you’re the “perfect mom” with the “perfect home” and the “perfect menu” and everything to do with authenticity, simplicity, and connection.
Once I dropped the pressure to impress and started focusing on what actually felt fun and comfortable for ME, I cracked the code for truly stress-free hosting.
Here are my six unconventional tips for how I entertain:
1. Buy what you like.
Skip catering to everyone’s preferences. These days, I only stock what I enjoy and will actually use later. If someone wants something specific, they’re welcome to bring it. For example, the only sodas you’ll find in my house are Soda Shop Pepsi and Diet Coke. I don’t need six different kinds “just in case.”
Most guests are totally fine with BYOB, and honestly, it makes shopping so much easier (and your fridge a lot cleaner).
If I drop $300 at Costco, I know every dollar is going to a good cause: my family and our preferences.
2. Buy less than you think you need.
We all have that primal fear of running out of chips and salsa. Let’s say you do; no one is going to starve while at your house. If the queso disappears faster than expected, that just means it was good. Worst case? Someone makes a quick store run or, even better, DoorDash.
I’ve found that having just enough keeps things simple, prevents waste, and makes cleanup a lot easier.
3. Give people jobs.
When guests walk in and ask, “Can I help with anything?” they mean it. Early arrivals especially feel awkward just standing there, so let them help! Hand them the cucumbers to slice, candles to light, or the remote to find background music.
When more guests arrive, delegate projects to little “teams,” such as setting up chairs, hanging a banner, or prepping the snack board. People love to feel included, and that teamwork energy instantly breaks the ice between different friend groups meeting for the first time.
4. Drinks at the door.
Whether it’s tequila shots, small wine tasters, or mini mocktails, having drinks ready at the door sets the tone and melts away those first few minutes of social stiffness. It’s a simple way to say “Welcome, relax, and you are allowed to have fun now.”
I had a fiesta-themed party where everyone got a tequila shot and a sombrero at the door. BEST party I’ve ever thrown.
5. Sit down already!
If you’re running around like a stressed-out cruise director, pouring drinks, checking the stove, and pretending to laugh while mentally loading the dishwasher, no one else can relax either.
Your energy sets the tone. Once I started actually sitting down with my guests, cocktail in hand, everything changed. People opened up. The conversations deepened. The laughter got louder. The best parties happen when the host is genuinely having fun, not performing. To accentuate this point, be in your slippers and maybe even sweatpants. Of course, this is up to your personal preference of comfort, but my Thanksgiving Day host uniform is a cute top, light make up, and fun earrings with pajama pants and slippers on the bottom.
6. Hire help (even during).
This might sound indulgent, but hear me out: having a cleaner or babysitter during the event is a total game-changer, especially for kid parties or holiday gatherings. Someone to tidy up the counter, refill snacks, or handle spills keeps the vibe calm and the host present.
If that’s not in your budget, at least schedule a post-party cleaning as a gift to yourself, or check out these tips for quick and easy house cleaning:
How to Clean Your House in One Hour
Your Home Cleaning Heroes This Holiday Season
Hosting takes energy, and you deserve the recovery time.
Over the years, I’ve learned that real hospitality isn’t about turning your home into a restaurant or event center. It’s establishing the energy for a space that encourages connection and laughter. In what ways can you welcome your friends exactly as they are because that’s how you are presenting too?
Whether you’re hosting a backyard BBQ, a moms’ night, or a cozy fall get-together, hosting can actually feel joyful again. Give yourself permission to do it your way, and remember: less pressure plus more support equals more presence.
Lastly, here are a few favorites that make gatherings with out-of-town guests extra fun with a unique, local twist:
- Snacks & Sips: Grab local cheeses from Tiny Grocer in Old Town or pastries and Lavender Gin from Los Poblanos. Really wanting to outsource and give yourself the least amount of stress? M’Tuccis caters! Or to try another ABQ mom’s business, Noah’s Table 505.
- Decor & Candles: FlickerMill Candles (of course, because I own it!) for a cozy, non-toxic glow.
- Party favors: Why should party favors only be for kid birthday parties? Head to Fly By Provisions for some locally made treasures to gift your guests.
