The holiday season is a time of warmth, love, and connection. But for many young families, it can also be a season of stress, pressure, and unrealistic expectations. The desire to honor extended family while creating meaningful moments with your partner and children often pulls you in different directions. If you’re feeling conflicted about how to spend the holidays this year, you’re not alone. For many mothers, deciding to keep the family holiday traditions small and intimate with just their nuclear family can feel like a difficult, yet necessary, step.
While we may want to include grandparents, aunts, and cousins, it’s important to remember the purpose of this season: rest, reflection, and connection with those closest to us. Here are five ways to set boundaries to protect your peace and three ways to start building traditions that align with family connections.
5 Ways to Set Boundaries During the Holidays
1. Be on the same page with your partner.
Sit down with your partner and discuss what you both truly want to experience this holiday season. Imagine being free from pressure and obligation—do you envision a quiet, cozy holiday where you don’t have to travel or entertain? Or would you prefer to focus on making memories with your children rather than splitting time with extended family? By aligning on your holiday vision as a couple, you can feel grounded and united in your decision.
Once you have clarity, it becomes easier to communicate your plans to others without second-guessing yourself.
2. Communicate early and with clarity.
Letting extended family know about your holiday plans can be challenging, especially if you’ve traditionally spent the holidays with them. Communicating early gives them time to adjust their expectations and shows respect for their time. Be clear and kind in your message. The fewer words the better!
When you state something as fact, there is less room for negotiation by the other party. Remove phrases such as, “I think this year . . . ” and “This is tough but we are probably going to stay home.” This gives a lot of room for you to be swayed. Instead, “We are staying in Albuquerque for the holidays, and we are very excited about it. We are looking forward to making memories as a family of four.”
3. How to deal with harrowing guilt and obligation.
Mothers, especially, are often burdened with the pressure to make everyone happy. Remember that choosing what makes you happy doesn’t mean you’re selfish; it means you’re prioritizing your and your family’s needs and well-being. The holidays are about creating joy and connection, not fulfilling obligations that leave you feeling drained or stressed.
» » » » » » RECOMMENDED RESOURCE: Ultimate Guide to Winter and the Holidays « « « « « «
If you start to feel guilty or pressured, remind yourself of the reasons you made this decision in the first place. Think about how much more relaxed and present you can be with your children when you aren’t navigating the demands of travel or hosting large gatherings. If needed, tap out and have your partner take the lead on holding this boundary strong.
4. Recognize the power of “no.”
I once heard that “no” is the most magnetic word. Saying “no” opens the door to so much “yes.” If your extended family pushes back or expresses disappointment, it’s okay to acknowledge their feelings while still holding your boundaries. “No” doesn’t have to come from a place of defensiveness; it can be expressed with empathy and understanding. You might say, “We had so much fun with you last year, and I understand that this is disappointing. We’ll miss you, but we’re excited to explore all the holiday fun in our own neighborhood this year.”
This approach sets a valuable example for your children, demonstrating self-respect and the importance of honoring their own needs and feelings while remaining empathetic to others’ experiences.
5. Embrace your decision.
Nature naturally slows down in the winter; trees lose their leaves, and animals hibernate. Humans are no different, and the holiday season is an ideal time to embrace this stillness. Now that you’ve decided to eliminate the stress of traveling long distances or hosting large groups, permit yourself to enjoy the opportunity to rest and slow down. Avoid filling up your schedule out of habit.
Take advantage of the quiet moments to connect with your partner and children. Whether it’s cozying up with hot cocoa by the fire, playing board games, or taking a walk in the crisp fall air. These are the simple ways to start building new holiday memories.
3 Ways to Build New Family Holiday Traditions
Now the fun begins—a blank slate to create and shape your family’s holiday season just the way you’ve always envisioned. Perhaps you’ve never really imagined what this time could look like with you at the helm, so take the opportunity to dream about all the possibilities and try different activities. You might find some traditions that you absolutely love and want to repeat, while others may not be the right fit for your family. Start slow, and allow your traditions to evolve and grow over the years. Here are three areas to get you started.
1. Creativity & Comfort
What simple activities can you enjoy each year that either spark creativity or embrace the cozy comfort of being at home? It could be something as simple as decorating cookies on Christmas Eve, having a pajama day where you watch holiday movies, or writing notes of gratitude to each other. The key is to find something that everyone enjoys that is simple to do and easy to replicate each year. There is no need to drop a lot of money at Hobby Lobby to create cherished holiday traditions for your family. When you create these intimate, meaningful moments, they become the fabric of your children’s memories and something they’ll look forward to each year.
2. Explore the Outdoors
One of the best parts of living in the Southwest is the ability to enjoy nature year-round. Whether it’s a short hike, a neighborhood nature walk to collect pinecones, or a visit to a local ice skating rink, outdoor activities offer a refreshing way to connect, bond, and work off those big holiday meals.
3. Cook Together
Elaborate holiday feasts often require hours of preparation and are usually handled by one person. But what if the focus shifted to simple, comforting foods that everyone could help prepare? Let the kids join in by decorating cupcakes, mixing dough, or setting the table.
These shared moments in the kitchen not only foster teamwork and togetherness but also provide opportunities to pass down family recipes or create new culinary traditions.
Finding True Comfort & Joy
Choosing to spend the holidays at home with your nuclear family doesn’t mean you don’t value your extended family; it means you’re prioritizing comfort and quality time with your partner and children, which is a beautiful choice. As the saying goes, remember the reason for the season.
By setting boundaries and creating new family holiday traditions, you can shape a holiday experience that reflects your family’s authentic values and brings genuine joy.
The opinions expressed in this post are those of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of ABQ Mom, its executive team, other contributors to the site, its sponsors or partners, or any organizations the aforementioned might be affiliated with.
